Thursday, June 30, 2011

Pandas Will Eat Your Face

Panda’s are adorable. They have those big eyes hidden in a cute tuft of black fur. They harmlessly eat bamboo and nap in the sunlight. Some even do adorable kung-fu moves.

This is the average humans perception of Pandas.

Awww cute right.

Look they even sneeze cute.

But I want to clear one thing up right here, right now. Pandas are death machines. Shave a panda and you loose all the cuteness and have just a killing machine.

Here’s a fun fact. Did you know Panda’s used to eat meat until their habitat changed and they were forced to eat nothing but stringy tough bamboo? It’s true. Seriously, Wikipedia that shit.

Now imagine this. You’re living life, eating all sorts of steaks and burgers and just enjoying the shit out of the taste of flesh, and all of a sudden, BAM! No more meat. Enjoy your bamboo fucker. I would think you’d be pretty pissed off right. Enough so that if even the slightest smell of meat comes near you, you’d probably try to shred it to bits and eat the fuck out of it.

Maybe like this?

Where’s your cute doe-eyed panda now?

Just remember the next time you look at a panda and see this…

You should really see this.

This has been a public service announcement by the people who don't want you to get your head ripped off by Pandas.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Who Is Making These!?

Add this to the dancing girl, the woman with the shrinking belly, the terrorist looking mother fucker and that cute little flash game where you move a car into your age as official WTF ads.

I don't think I'm an advertising genius or anything, and I don't want to sound like my college professor or anything, but what's the strategy here? Here is what I can gather from it.

Beating women gets you a better house payment.

Being a slut that gets dirty makes the president rethink homeowner prices.

The bigger your hoop earrings and more bruises you have, the cheaper your house!

If you get in a car accident and then see your ex blowing a clown and the look on your face is equal to terror, surprise and eroticism, you qualify!