Monday, May 2, 2011

Reality Isn't Bright and Shiny, It's Fucking Dusty and Smells Like A Rotting corpse

My friends at (well I consider them friends even though I have never met any of them) recently published an article about how disappointing life can be. This struck a chord with me (D minor methinks) because, well basically since I graduated college, a lot of things about adult life were just monstrously disappointing. There’s a quiet innocence of not only being a child, but also being a college student. So here’s my list of things you think and hope for in college, but are sorely disappointed by once you graduate.

Getting a job with a college degree is super easy

No, it’s not at all. It fucking sucks and is much harder than getting a job at your local fast food restaurant. Take for instance your typical job board, like or any number of wonderful job sites. At first glance you’ll say, holy fuck, I’ll have a job by lunch time! But the reality of it is half these jobs are done by bots, a third are outdated, and the rest are sales jobs. You’ll apply to dozens and dozens of these jobs and you’ll get dozens and dozens of spam emails, fake job offers and bullshit signs of hope straight to your inbox.

A college degree is the new high school diploma

When I graduated, I was so sure I’d be writing TV commercials for beers and loving life all the time. The reality, I went around with my fancy new degree and portfolio of bullshit work only to be laughed at and told I needed another type of school. A fancy schmancy art school or portfolio school. “But wait,” my internal brain worked, “I literally just finished school. No more tests, no more books, no more teachers dirty…” No, I needed more than a slip of paper that said I passed some classes. Seriously with your degree the best you can hope for is an entry-level sales job at an insurance company. I wish I didn’t know as many people that have graduated and are still working their college jobs, but I do.

Experience is nothing. It’s about who you know.

Seriously, a resume full of awesome experience looks really great on paper. But to a recruiter it’s nothing, they see hundreds of these a week and could care less that you worked for a tiny start-up company in your Podunk small town. In the corporate world, the only way to get in touch with someone who will actually talk back to you is to know someone yourself. Once they connect the dots, something might happen. So be friendly and talk to everyone you meet even if their dicks you hate.

That job you’ve been dreaming about that is going to be so much better than working at a restaurant or your retail cashier position, isn’t any better.

Your boss still sucks. The hours are still fucked up. The work is still dreadfully boring. And you don’t move. You become sluggish. You start to slow down and put on weight. You loose motivation. Essentially your dreams become crushed. There is no job that you look forward to. There is only something you can put up with for eight (but probably more) hours a day.

Happy living everyone!

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