Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Four Reasons To Be Excited About This Winter

One of the saddest things about living in Chicago is the wintertime. It’s dark at 5PM. It’s cold. People are cranky, and everything you loved about the city six months earlier is completely forgotten. It makes it hard to live here but today I wanted to take a look at some of the positive things about living here during the cold, uninhabitable months.

You sleep really well

I don’t know about anyone else, but when it’s really cold out and I’m inside with the heater on there’s no place I’d rather be. I can fall asleep with a Jason Stathem movie turned up full blast as soon as I feel the warm, womblike tomb that is my bachelor pad. Plus once you actually crawl into bed, and, if you’re like me have already turned on your electric blanket, it’s like crawling into some magical creatures vagina. Warm, comforting, you just don’t want to leave. During these dark four months, I sleep more than those bright, active days of summer simply because, in my dreams, at least it’s warm.

You are stylish no matter what you wear

The turning weather has a strange effect on Chicagonians. The normally fashionable downtown turns into every fifth grade classroom. People are waddling the streets with huge snow jackets. Every hat is adorned with earflaps. Obnoxiously large boots adorn every girl’s feet. Colors clash, B.O. prevails, but hey at least you’re warm. There is an unspoken bond between those of us living here in the winter. You can wear whatever you want, put on as many layers as you need, smell as bad as you can, but just stay warm. It’s survival of the fittest, and let’s be honest, people survive because of their killer instincts, not their killer ability to match their boots with their paisley sweater vest.

Everyone gets fat

Sure everyone gorges themselves stupid during Thanksgiving, and no one ever turns down a second glass of eggnog. Ever. The holidays just make it so damn easy to put on a couple extra lbs., but even with the two week gym fuck fest that is New Years, people will emerge from the winter months a tad more portly. Every winter I try my damndest to exercise, stay active, and not just watch marathons of Fresh Price, but the lack of sun, and the warmth of my apartment don’t motivate me to move, let alone sweat for an hour a day. Just make sure to exercise like hell in April to get your beach body back.

It’s OK when you want to stay in Saturday night

During the summer, I’m constantly invited to beach days, club nights, barbeques, and other social events that I feel obligated to attend. I’m not saying I’m anti-social, I’m just saying that constantly hanging out with snobbish work friends or way too cool hipsters grinds on you after a while. Sometimes it’s just nice to stay in and play video games. Shit it’s cold outside anyways.

It’s winter. Let’s deal with it together.

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