Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Best Named, Best Seats In the House

We’ve all been there. You decided in the middle of an extremely hot, summer street festival to drink five beers and attempt an all you can eat rib fest. Whether you call them Port-O-Potty’s, John’s, or a much more crude identifier, we’ve all been in the awkward position of using a disgusting, smelly portable toilet.

This whole thing started when I asked my girlfriend while attending Summerfest, were the Sani-Huts were. Her confused look indicated that she had never heard this term before. As I searched through the toilet humor file in my brain I rambled through a list of names, Port-O-Pottys, Honey Buckets, Shitters?

Unbeknownst to me there is not a universal term for these portable toilets. In fact most of these companies are independently owned with amazingly, disturbingly clever names. In fact the NY Mag put together a list of the top 20 portable toilet names. But just like a New Yorker, they were only thinking about themselves. This inspired me to find the most beloved named portable toilet out there by asking you, my friends and associates. So, before the lock turns red, take a deep breath, and join me as we discover some of the best-named portable toilets.

Port O Potty

This is the mother of all event toilets. It’s at Lollapalooza, Boonaroo, anywhere that dirty, young, hippy kids need to dump their illegal drugs when they notice a K-9 unit. Port-O-Potty is the most recognizable named toilet. Maybe it’s the hyphened name, maybe it’s the use of the word “potty” that brings us back to a childlike state of wonder. Whatever it is, it’s the king of poo hill.

Sani Huts

After doing a bit of research, I discovered this is a Reno original brand. This is why when I asked my Wisconsin-native girlfriend she had no idea what I was talking about. Regardless, this comes top of mind for me when I think portable john.

Honey Bucket

By far one of the grossest names on the list. I don’t like to think about honey and a festering pile of human excrement. It just doesn’t go together. But what I do like is that a ‘honey bucket,’ actually refers to a bucket used as a bathroom where there is no running water. So, I guess it’s aptly named.

Call A Head

Where’s my rim shot. Ah there it is. I love a good pun, even if it involves something as gross as this.


There’s a whole Irish theme to some of these toilet names, and I’m not sure if it comes from some angry Irish bashing portable toilet company owners or what, but there’s something I like about looking at this leprechaun’s silly face as I’m about to crap in him.

Doodie Calls

NY MAg’s number 1. I definitely give this one points for cleverness. Anytime you can use the word doodie, especially in your companies name, I’m a fan.


Another toilet with a reference to the Irish. This one doesn’t quite have the zing as LepreCAN, but still when you’re in desperate need, a toilet is kinda like finding that treasure at the end of a rainbow.

Wizards of Ooze

This one is just weird. Really weird. First they’re referencing one of the most beloved movies of our time and using it to make poo holes. Second the wizard has a silly little brush and seems extremely happy for someone about to scrub a hot summer days worth of waste. Third, ooze? Gross.

Johnny On The Spot

I had a friend named Johnny in Elementary school, and always felt bad for the treatment he got whenever we saw one of these. Who knows maybe he pulled a fast one and became the new CEO?

Drop Zone

“Eatin’ two taco’s
Spreadin' out her cheeks tonight
She got you jumpin' in your pants
And shovin' the door open right

Highway to the Drop Zone
I'll take you
Right into the Drop Zone”

-Music and lyrics property of the invincible Kenny Loggins


This is just a German company named ASS. I couldn’t find out what it stands for but I have a couple of suggestions.

Automatic Shit System
Amazing Stool Shoot
Awesomely Secret Shitter

So, that’s a rundown of some of my favorite, but now do yourself a favor and click on the poll to let the World know once and for all, what is the best-named portable toilet?

What's Your' Portable Toilet?

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