Monday, November 23, 2009

Finding Urine in Unexpected Places

One of the joys of life has got to be using public restrooms. They’re disgusting, smelly, and usually full of some sort of hidden surprise.
Take for instance today as I walked into the restroom to relieve myself from the mornings coffee. Somehow, someone had managed to get urine all over the freshly whitened porcelain. But not on the sides or the bottom where it would make sense, but on top. Where the flusher is.

Now at first thought you may glance over this as, yes disgusting, but just another joyful moment of using a public washroom. However if you really think about it, like I did, it’s really quiet an amazing feat.
This could have transpired in a multitude of ways, but I’ve narrowed it down to three very unique possibilities.

The urinator has one of those pee’s on deck that are so powerful it causes a stiff penis, not a boner, but a pee-boner. They must stick it up in their boxers to avoid being seen in a meeting with their massive uri-ner. Now once they relieve themselves they don’t quiet have the time to bend it down into the urinal trough, but instead end up peeing straight up, where a dabble lands on the top portion of the urinal (see figure 1).


The urinator has a very powerful stream. I’m talking gunshot speed. The urinator has their pee aimed somewhat down and their powerful pee stream ricochet’s off the back of the urinat off their chest and onto the top of the urinal, leaving them slightly embarrassed and requiring fifteen minutes of cleanup to avoid smelling like Chicago’s Red Line. (See figure 2).


Finally the urinator has a problem with playing with himself while urinating, and really that’s not so much of a problem as many people find themselves doing this from time to time. They shape the outline of the urinal cake, they try to fill up the pool, they spell their name. Well, as they were “playing with pee” they got distracted and let go for a brief second, squirting everywhere with tiny pee molecules, which collected and formed said urine puddle on top of the urinal.

Three Hypothesis. Any other ideas? Feel free to share.

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