I don’t normally whine about my shit here. This is typically a happy place where leprechauns frolic, pandas dance, and gumdrops dot the sky at night. But guess what peeps? The world can turn its ugly head and spit in your face. And sometimes you just need to get it out somewhere.
The Back story:
Pretty much, when I started this blog, I was alone in Milwaukee. I just moved there for an internship and was incredibly lonely and not sure where my life was going. I found a life, and someone wonderful to share it with and although I moved around a bit, we continued to date. Until recently. Long story short we aren’t together anymore, and this breakup has been much different than any others I have endured. I have gone through the full range of emotions and after about two months of pure agonizing hell, I have reached acceptance. I just mailed away the last remnants of our relationship. I’ve purged my room with anything that could bring back haunted memories. But I didn’t do it alone. I had my family and my friends. But I also had music. And before anyone starts calling me a bitch for writing a list of songs I used to help get over a breakup, fuck you! You’ve obviously never been in love and had your heart smooshed.
So, before I want to punch myself in the face even more than I already do, here is a list of songs that helped me get over you, using the Kübler-Ross model as a basis.
Stage 1: Denial
Arcade Fire "We Used To Wait"
I listened to this song when I first decided to move to LA. Regardless of what it really means, to me it meant that we, as a couple, were waiting for life to stabilize so we could just be together. I held onto it forever.
The New Pornographers "We End Up Together"
This is probably the definitive song to my breakup. I still listen to it and while I put it in this stage, it really belongs in all of them although the meaning has changed. It used to mean, we’re going to get back together, we’re in a rough spot, but we’re meant to be. We end up together. Now it’s evolved and it’s more about we had a good time, but now that I’m out of the picture, I can be with who I am meant to be. And vice versa. Though sometimes I still hold onto the original meaning.
Ben Folds "Still Fighting It"
I bought this CD during a vacation to S.F. we went on. This song is all about picking yourself up, but for me, in this stage it was all about fighting for us. Trying to make it work. Glad that worked out.
Stage 2: Anger
Frightened Rabbit "Keep Yourself Warm"
She visited me and introduced me to this song. It had some deep hidden meanings. While I don’t think she ever cheated on me, I listen to this song often hoping she realizes that, while she may have another dick in her life, she will never have one that treated her like I did.
Wolf Parade "What Did My Lover Say? (It Always Had To Go This Way)"
It always had to go this way. That line just sums up the loss of hope, all the effort I put into it all for naught. No matter what, it had to be this way. And that pisses me off.
Mumford and Suns "Little Lion Man"
What gets me about this song is the chorus. “Well it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked things up this time, didn’t I my dear?” I moved away, I did this to myself, I fucked it up.
Stage 3: Bargaining*
*To me this stage was less about bargaining. It was a false sense that everything was OK. Although I said I was over everything, I was still holding on to my ex as a crutch. These songs represent a bit of acceptance, but with a touch of hope still attached.
Alanis Morrissette "You Learn"
This song is all about how living life is the best way to learn. So for me, it was it was better I loved so much and learned.
Band of Horses "The General Specific"
One of our mutually favorite songs. Just listened to it a lot as a way to remind myself of the good times.
Cold War Kids "We Used To Vacation"
One of my favorite things I did with her was go on mini vacations. Whether it was to Minneapolis, Milwaukee, or S.F. we always enjoyed ourselves away from reality. This is really just taking the song far to literally, but it’s what happens when I listen to it.
Stage 4: Depression
Taking Back Sunday "Bike Scene"
“I want to hate you so much, but I can’t” That lyric was stuck in my head for days.
Gary Jules "Mad World"
Sometimes when you’re the saddest you’ve ever been, you just need to listen to the saddest song ever made. This song also made it into my guitar practice lineup.
OK GO "This Too Shall Pass"
Just a song about hope. Saying things suck, but it’ll pass. It was a good one to try to inspire some form of hope in me.
Bowling For Soup "Belgium"
I love Bowling for Soup, and this song has always been one of my favorites. I love the line “How was I to know, that this single bed was always made for two”
Bob Dylan "Most Of The Time"
I watched High Fidelity a lot in my younger days, but I rewatched it after the breakup. It made me realized just how much this song means to me. I could listen to it all the time. It really is a wonderful bridge between depression and acceptance.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Weezer "The Good Life"
This is all about getting back into life. Start dating, start having fun and start living. Plus it's fucking Weezer. They've been such a big part of my life, they must have something relevant to my current situation.
Fun. "At Least I’m Not As Sad (As I Used To Be)"
You know what, I’m not.
Gnarles Barkley "Blind Mary"
Inspired me to get my license and start smoking my new lady.
Reel Big Fish "All I Want Is More"
The chorus to this is so damn good. You can start to see generally happier songs, with maybe a splash of anger in them.
Alkaline Trio "This Is Getting Over You"
Technically this song is about getting over alcoholism, but girls… booze… it’s the same thing.
Black Keys "Next Girl"
I always loved this song, even though I got this CD when I was still with her. Now I have a reason to really, truly appreciate it.
Lonely Island "Jack Sparrow"
Just something funny to help me forget of a past existence.
Say Anything "Most Beautiful Plague"
This is the pinnacle of acceptance. You go through hell to be with someone, and even if it doesn’t work out, you just got to thank them for having sex with you.
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