Mutant Rape Baby

One of the most frustrating things about being a writer working for a very large, very corporate company is trying to write within the standards of certain brand restrictions. My job is something that I am very thankful to have, but also causes me so much pain and anguish daily that it’s turning my thinning hair grey.

Let’s take a look a look at one of my weekly if not daily heartache’s:

I am given a lackluster assignment (my junior status doesn’t necessarily help this cause)that no one wants, but I am thrilled to get.

I see maybe just the tiniest bit of wiggle room to try to be funny, smart, clever and get very, very excited. I spend the rest of the day creating and massaging it into existence.

I present my work to a room full of people who could truly care less about such a lowly assignment. I get vague feedback and when I try to clarify, I am more confused than ever.

I continue, polishing and preparing.
I present again to a smaller creative team who takes out their red pens of fury and proceed to murder and mutilate my baby.
My work is then touched, raped and changed by dozens of dirty, account, lead, and production hands.

We present a monster.

It’s approved, but the client wants to rape it a bit more.
I meanwhile sit quietly, holding back tears as I watch my once beautiful baby be defiled knowing there is nothing I can do about it.

The rape/mutant/baby goes live and sells tons of product


But hey, this is the career path I started and I’m not turning back. Plus I have a lot of debt thanks to ad school.

Things Suck

Today I'm not a happy camper and I'm very confused. But at least I'm not as confused as this.

Your logo sucks almost as bad as your coffee

For those of us that would like a giant teardrop of blood with our coffee.

When Your Hope Is Lost

Cleveland doesn't have much. They have a museum of rock and roll and Lebron James. But now that he might be moving on, what's a poor Midwest city to do? Of course recreate 'We Are the World,' with an, ah-hem, all-star Cleveland cast.
Check it out.

And People Are Concerned About Our Sugary Cereals

While doing some research on cereal, and boy howdy was that a blast, I ran across some amazingly, sugar-filled cereals from yesteryear. And here's the deal. Sure I grew up with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Frosted Flakes, and Cap'n Crunch, and sure I may have an unhealthy addiction to sugar filled cereals, but our Mom's and Dad's have no room to complain. Their generation was full of horribly bad for you cereals. We may have cereals full of marshmallows and shaped like cookies but look what they had.



Donuts and ice cream, now a part of a complete breakfast.

Ans sure while we had some awesome characters, ferocious tigers, whimsical leprechauns and an over zealous toucan, look at some of these insanely messed up creations surely thought up from some coked-out marketing.

Let's make a cereal and remind our kids of all their dads and grandpas that have died in World War II dogfights.


While we all love Boo Berry, Count Chocula and Frankenberry, the world has all but forgotten the magesty of Frute Brute.


Cocaine and clowns plus a little bit of LSD


Now with more woody goodness


I never knew that the Cap'n had so many problems on the seven seas, but apparently he was constantly fighting off overbearing hippos and overtly sexual whales.



And finally here are some classic movie tie in cereals with a priceless commercial.

Lost in Springfield

One of my favorite blogs I follow is Springfield Punx. This is a great little collection of popular characters simpsonfied by a talented artist. These are a collection of many of the Lost characters, hears to hoping the season ends well and I don't regret promoting this show and loving it for the last six years.

A Long Time Ago, In The Most Magical Place On Earth

Disney, who has apparently merged with every form of kid friendly entertainment possible (e.g. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Marvel) released their latest print campaign touting their new Star Wars weekends.

Sometimes You Just Need A Good Cry

From A&E's show intervention comes this amazingly heartfelt and touching clip. I hate feeling so bad for laughing, but seriously this might be one of the funniest things I've seen all week. Or at least all day.

Wacky Newspaper Editors

Good luck you senior editors. God-Speed!