Want to Waste All Day On The Internet?

As if it wasn't easy enough to find enough useless awesomeness on the internet, this little program/website will help you find everything awesome online, personally customized to your taste. It's called stumble upon and it has officially ruined my internet life.

What you do is put in a list of your interests (movies, physics, music, etc.) and make an account, which is free, and with a single press of a button you have a slew of awesome webpages, videos, pictures just for you.

Here are the five stumbles that they gave me:





How to cook like your grandma. Perfect brownie, cookies and love recipes.



Synaptic Stimulus Art.



Nerdy Math/love comic webpage.



Web games to cure writer's block.




Photoshop Manipulations

Dirty Car Art

This was sent to me by a friend and I highly recommend checking out the full gallery online.

When most people see a dirty car they can't resist writing on it, or at least drawing a picture of boobs or a penis on the driver's side window. This guy takes it to the next level by making works of art out of a dirty car. Most of these only take him about an hour or so, but I thought these were amazingly awesome. Finally a good reason not to wash your car.

Stuff White People Like

I was first turned onto this site with my old roommate in Chicago. It's full of funny, truth statements of, well stuff white people like. The best way to view these is to actually check their website, but I'll include a short list here as well.

#122 Moleskin Notebooks
#118 Ugly Sweater Parties
#116 Black Music that Black People Don't listen too Anymore
#88 Having Gay Friends
#80 The Idea of Soccer
#75 Threatening to Move to Canada
#48 Whole Foods
#45 Asian Fusion Foods
#22 Having Two Last Names

Check out their official website at www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

I'm Sorry But the Princess is in Another Castle Douche-Bag

That's really all Toad has been saying all these years. We all know when you get to the end of a castle, your plumber pants soaked to the bone with sweat, water, cheep-cheep blood, the last thing you want to hear is the girl you're trying to rescue isn't here.

Now here is the question. Did Toad have an alternative motive? Here's a few questions to ponder this morning.

Why was Toad at the end of the castle in the first place? Did he really get through all of the traps, the flaming spindels of death, the dry bones turtles, the fire plants, unscathed? This doesn't make sense, unless there was insider trading in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Is Toad following you or does he have seven brothers? He's seriously in every castle.

What is he? Mario is Italian, Bowser is like an evil dragon turtle, goombas are little racist blobs, but Toad? Is he a mushroom? Is he amphibian? Is he human? He's not a frog so why is he named after one.

Has Toad boned down on the princess. He's always near her, following her, doing favors for her for years and years while Mario is away busting blocks and collecting coins to satisfy the princesses high maintenance needs. Is it that far fetched to think that Toad doesn't have a mondo toad crush on her? You don't think that maybe one night, Princess was lonely and Toad came in to give her a back massage and he says, "I'm here for you." Maybe his hand slipped, maybe he slipped something into her fungus water, maybe he just overpowered her, but I am convinced they have shared fluids.

Toad has always been one of the most annoying characters (even if he was the best character to play in Mario 2). His scream in Mario Kart is dreadful, his voice in the cartoon was like nails on a chalkboard, and his fashion choice? IS that an Aladdin vest he's rocking? Is his head representative of a turban? This may be a bit of an assumption, but could it be that Toad is working with Al Queda?



And now finally after all these years, I have uncovered proof that Toad had alternative motives. Look at what he's doing when you see him at the end of the castle. That's the bird! He's flipping us off! This Toad conspiracy must come to an end, and the World must know the truth!

Merry Bloody Christmas

There’s been killer Santas. There’s been killer Snowmen, but there’s never been anything like this. At Sundance this year there was a great short film that features the least likely of horror villains. Christmas trees.



I’ve posted a link to the video here to check it out and I highly recommend it if you like bloody disgusting horror movies. The idea is that after years and years of torture and mutilation of X-Mas trees, the trees finally get their revenge, er… treevenge.

Check it out and also look at their website. This video does tend to get really gory and gross at the end, so those with weak stomachs take a pass.

Safe Sex from Taiwan

It's important to exercise proper condom use, this poster shall definitely convince you. I love the little hairs outside of the door.

F You Nerds, F You

With all the shitty remakes and reboots of dead franchises out there, why oh why couldn’t this have been real. Legend of Zelda. This was released last April 1st. for a April 1st 2009 release. It was an elaborate April Fools Day joke by some big ass nerds over at IGN.com.

When I think about how cool this movie could be, either as one or as a big bad-ass trilogy like Lord of the Rings, it makes me giddy like few things in the World can.
Think about it man! I don’t normally nerd out on these things, but bear with me as I put on my coke bottle glasses, lift my pants up, and geek out about what could be.

OK, here’s my synopsis of how the movie would play out. The story would be loosely based around the Ocarina of Time series because everyone can agree it is the best of the games. It would start out in the forest with a younger Link who goes to Castletown on an errand and meets Princess Zelda by accident. Princess Zelda tells young Link that he is destined to be the hero of time and he must go on a quest. Now during this quest he would, like in the game, have to collect three gems, or shards, or whatever to finally do battle with Gannon. I like to think that at least one of these quests would take place in a temple and Link would have to fight a bad ass boss at the end of these temples. Once he goes through three very different temples, he gets the master sword, and fights of Gannon, or if it were to be a trilogy, this would be the break for the first movie.

Anyways, I could go on forever and it would only be exciting to me, but check out this trailer and think about how cool it could be.

More Movies Videos at IGN.com

Also, a fan of this trailer was so inspired by the prospect of a Zelda movie that they’ve made an actually, unofficial Zelda movie. Check out their web page and their trailer.

Try to Keep your Cool When Watching

Life can be hard, no one will deny that. Sometimes you just want to go crazy and destroy everything in your path. Sometimes, you just can’t help yourself and you do go off the deep end. And sometimes your punk ass kid brother catches it on camera. Without further ado, I present the freakout trilogy.

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

In a planet not too far from here, a young boy freaks out when his parents cancle his World of Warcraft Account.



Episode II: The Brother Strikes Back

Our young hero is betrayed over and over again by an unseen force.



Episode III: Return of the Psycho

In an act of defiance our young protagonist lashes out at a sign of goodwill.



And as a bonus, I decided to include one of my favorite freakout videos featuring a total nutjob losing his cool, his friends, and his job.

When Logos Go Bad

Everyone loves a good logo. Think of all the iconic messaging there is with just a simple line swoosh, three stripes, or a stylized “M”. However for every great logo out there, there are tons of really horrible logos.

We’ll start off light. These logos are simply wrong because they broke some basic logo rules. Don’t use gradients and bright, contrasting colors, make sure you can read everything, and whatever you do, don’t use papyrus.

These logos are just plain corny and dumb, and don’t necessarily do anything to connect the brand.

Now these logos fall into the category of accidentally sexual. How the client looked at these, and didn’t see anything wrong with them is beyond me. First off, oral.

Now, logos shaped very phallically.

Finally, penetrating logos.

Here's an example of the importance of leading and kearning.

Finally, my favorite is a logo that used an acronym in entirely the wrong way. Enjoy these and remember to check your logo before you print.

Artery Clogging Website

After several hotdogs, potato salad, and other delicious 4th of July food, I felt a little bloated this morning. It reminded me of this website I saw a while back so I thought what better time then when everyone feels three or four pounds heavier with macaroni salad to take a look at why we are all so fat.

We’ll start with something light. Here’s a delicious burger, but instead of the boring traditional (dare I say) healthy hamburger, they’ve replaced it with delicious deep fried tempura. Fat.



This number is called “The Lord of the Rings” and after eating it you’ll be just as fat and greasy as all the fanboys. Onion rings, bacon, cheese, hot dog and fries. Oh and bread, just to keep it a bit healthy. Extra fat.



This one just looks gross. It’s three sunny side eggs, beans, red chili sauce, cheddar cheese, corn tortillas and hash browns. So you can throw up and have diarrhea all day. Super fat.



Here’s a Whopper, but that’s not fat kid enough. Let’s add a slice of pizza and eat it. That’ll teach those dumb, puny arteries. Marvelously fat.



You know what’s great about picnics? Everything. That’s why this may be the best of all Worlds. Lets take all that stuff from the potluck BBQ, and make a burger out of it. Oh Greg just grilled a cheeseburger? Got it! Marcy brought some macaroni salad? On there! Louis famous cole slaw? Topping! Nathan’s kosher dogs? Probably shouldn’t but it’s on there. Ultra fat!



What’s the worst part of a slider? The bun, duh. So why don’t we replace that with Chicken McNuggets. Spectacular fat!



After all that deliciousness, my sweet tooth is having mondo cravings! Plus I want some breakfast at the same time. How about a pancake, cookie dough, pancake, PB& J, pancake, chocolate and banana, pancake, caramel, Oreo, marshmallow, sprinkles and M&M’s, pancake, caramel buttercream frosting and topped with Trix cereal. Big-Time Ultra Super Fat!



And to finish it off, my personal favorite. The pizza pizza. Let’s take a frozen pizza, bake it and add our own toppings. But not like fresh veggies, or real pepporoni, no! Let’s add pizza bites. Ultra-Super-Mega-Incredible-Mondo-With Special Sauce- Tremendous-Beyond-Fat!



While this is a small list, the website is updated daily with great pics sure to make you feel bloated, so make sure to visit it at thisiswhyyou’re fat.com.